Deviation Actions
Literature Text
NORMAN sits behind a desk - to one side is a window, from which traffic noises can be faintly heard - with a bored expression on his face. NORMAN reaches down and picks up a paper bag; opening it and removing a sandwich. NORMAN leans back and puts his feet on the table; hitting a switch. Swerving and crashing noises echo, but NORMAN doesn't notice this, and continues eating.
All of a sudden, NORMAN chokes; clutching at his throat, and falls off his chair and onto the floor. He briefly claws at the air, before falling limp.
FADE TO:
TITLE:
EXT. LIMBO
After a second of nothing, the figure of NORMAN slowly fades into view - still choking, although he quickly stops and begins breathing normally. NORMAN looks around in confusion, and then looks forwards.
NORMAN's POV: A long line of people stretching towards a large pair of golden gates.
NORMAN's mouth falls open.
MALE ANNOUNCER
Next!
(This repeats faintly throughout the entire scene)
The line begins shifting forwards; people grumbling audibly.
FEMALE ANNOUNCER
(automated, lifeless)
Thank you for your patience. Your eternal destination is very important to us. Please wait while we judge your immortal soul.
Tacky elevator music - of a psalm - begins playing. NORMAN quickly joins the queue, which slowly shuffles forwards. NORMAN looks at the other people in line; all have comedic injuries of some sort - one man has his head under his arm, one man has a pipe through his chest, one man is in two halves, etc.
Eventually, NORMAN notices a small GIRL outside of the line; crying. Nobody pays her any attention. NORMAN talks to MAN #1; standing in front of him.
NORMAN
Hey, why isn't she in line?
MAN #1
She's not eligible, so she doesn't get to wait.
NORMAN
What? But how can...
MALE ANNOUNCER
Next!
MAN #2
Hey, keep moving!
NORMAN and the others continue shuffling forwards.
HEAD #1
(voice-over)
Hey hey, here he is!
NORMAN turns to look; those ahead of him keep walking.
NORMAN's POV: A pair of gates identical to the ones he's queuing for, but darker, and festooned with severed body parts. Various HEADS attached to the top cheer and whoop, and several hands lower down clap.
HEAD #2
Who's the man? What a record!
HEAD #3
I'll say! We haven't seen a head count that high since that basketball team visited that cafe with the low ceiling fan. Get it? Head count?
The HEADS all laugh. NORMAN looks at them in confusion.
NORMAN
What record?
HEAD #2
Dude, didn't you notice?
HEAD #1
Course he didn't, that's what makes it better!
HEAD #3
It's all right, we'll show him.
HEAD #2
Who's got the remote?
Below the heads, several disembodied hands point at one of their number; holding a television remote control. The hand points the remote control towards a broken television on the ground near the gates, and presses a button.
The television flares into life, showing NORMAN at his desk. He leans back, and his foot hits a switch. The footage then switches outside, where several traffic lights change colour. NORMAN watches in horror, and the sounds of screeching tyres, crashes, and screams are heard, along with a few sound effects - "MONSTER KILL", "BONUS ROUND", "INSTANT REPLAY", etc. The HEADS loudly whoop in approval.
NORMAN
I...I...did this?
HEAD #2
Hell yeah! All the people in the line? They're your "victims"!
NORMAN looks, seeing the crying GIRL to one side.
HEAD #3
And you even got a free pass!
NORMAN
What? After what I've done? I'll be damned for sure!
HEAD #2
Oh no you won't!
HEAD #1
Check your pocket, son.
NORMAN reaches into his pocket, and pulls out the remnants of a sandwich.
HEAD #1
(voice-over)
Your OTHER pocket.
NORMAN reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a shining ticket.
HEAD #3
Get out of jail free!
NORMAN
But...how?
HEAD #2
See for yourself.
Below the HEADS, the disembodied hand changes the channel, showing NORMAN outside a store; with money in his hands. A HOMELESS MAN sits outside. NORMAN trips over HOMELESS MAN's legs, dropping his money. NORMAN gets up and goes into the store, but fails to notice he's dropped the money. The HOMELESS MAN picks it up and smiles.
NORMAN
What? (quietly) I KNEW I had more money then that. (loud) But that was an accident!
HEAD #1
Eh, still counts.
NORMAN
But surely it only works if you actually mean to give them the money!
HEAD #3
Perhaps I should have gotten in then! Remember when I gave that guy a thousand dollars? So generous of me...you'd think the bastard could have been at least considerate and thanked me, instead of just shouting "please stop, you're choking me"! The nerve...
MALE ANNOUNCER
NEXT!!!
NORMAN seizes his chance and begins walking away.
HEAD #1
Hey, good luck, man!
HEAD #2
If you can, throw us some chips when you get inside!
NORMAN continues walking, eventually coming to a desk, which ST. PETER sits behind. He is reading a newspaper, which he puts down as NORMAN approaches. After a brief silence, he speaks.
ST. PETER
...well?
NORMAN looks down, and realises he is still holing the ticket. ST. PETER begins tapping his fingers on the desk.
NORMAN
Um...
NORMAN looks back.
NORMAN
Uh...this isn't mine.
Pause.
ST. PETER
Not yours? Then whose is it?
NORMAN
It's hers!
NORMAN points towards the small GIRL, who stops crying as all turn to look at her.
ST. PETER
Really? And what are you doing with it, then?
NORMAN
I was just keeping it safe for her while she...said her goodbyes.
ST. PETER regards him for a second, before gesturing for the GIRL to come over. The gates swing open as she does, and she smiles at NORMAN as she goes through; the gates closing after her. ST. PETER watches her go, before turning back to look at NORMAN.
ST. PETER
And I don't suppose you have a ticket yourself?
NORMAN
Uh...nope.
ST. PETER
Over there then.
He points towards the gate with the HEADS on it. NORMAN walks towards it; the gates swinging open as he nears it. He closes his eyes as he gets closer.
FADE TO BLACK
EXT. LIMBO
Fade in to NORMAN's head. The camera pulls out to reveal his head has now been placed on the gate with the other three HEADS, who are at present singing "The Song That Doesn't End" very loudly.
NORMAN, an annoyed expression on his face, looks to one side and bangs his head against a disembodied hand.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. LABORATORY
Mid shot of a large freezer; DR. FRANKINCENSE comes into view and opens it. Inside are three boxes marked "Former 80's Child Stars", "Next Top Model Losers" and "Shortland Street Rejects". DR. FRANKINCENSE' hand hovers over several of the boxes, before he picks one and opens it.
CUT TO:
INT. LABORATORY
Close up of DR. FRANKINCENSE, who pulls two disembodied arms out of the box.
DR. FRANKINCENSE
Gotta HAND it to you there, I really FEEL that you'll be just right for this job. Your performance really TOUCHED me; I'm giving you two THUMBS up!
DR. FRANKINCENSE laughs evilly, only for the LEFT ARM to throttle him - the RIGHT ARM gives the thumbs up. DR. FRANKINCENSE grabs the RIGHT ARM and begins thrashing the LEFT ARM with it.
Anyway, after that, we ended up pooling our ideas together and merging our concepts. I ended up working with a student called Tremaine, whose concept had been a relatively serious story about a person in the afterlife who gives up his place in Heaven for a little girl who's barred entry for some reason. Now, I was known for rarely being serious in my films - this test film ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GMTbP… ) gives you a good idea of the feel most of my films have - and so I ended up merging our two stories together (mainly taking his plot, but working in a scene from my script where heads in jars sang an ominous chorus) and adding a silly element to it.
Hmm...this seems to be an older draft. We didn't actually finish this, because we decided it was too hard and so went for a simpler film that was based off fairy tales, which itself got cut down because we were far too ambitious...a shame, since I was going to play the Big Bad Wolf (I had this whole idea about playing the role without any makeup, and then when Thumbelina goes "you're not a wolf", I would say "I know, I'm just a metaphor for not talking to strange people" before killing her)...in the end, we all made weird short films based on the few scenes that we had managed to film; you can see my edit of the film here; ( www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzr7Yh… )...). Anyway, before this got axed we changed the way "Norman" got into Heaven...he was going to die when water spilled from the ceiling onto him and his computer and electrocuted him, and he was going to find out in Limbo that it was Holy Water from a Cult (The Church of the Alleged Virgin) upstairs.
